Obsessed with Sex

“For some reason, churches have decided the most important thing about you is what you do with your genitals.” Neil Carter, Godless in Dixie

Last September, I posted a dialog piece that was sort of about sex, if that’s possible. I didn’t say it was a sexual discussion, but the dialog implied it without directly making the claim. I never gave the sex (gender) of the people in the dialog. Either person could have been male or female. Both could have been the same sex or anyone from the long list of diverse human sexualities (preferences, orientations, or whatever the correct term may be).

The discussion could have been about any experience from paragliding to spelunking. I never said that one of them had sex with someone else, especially outside of some committed relationship. However, I was not clear with my implication. Thus, anyone could infer that one of the speakers had illicit sex, or at least some sort of untoward relationship. Readers had to assume and some did.

While I made no direct claim to a difficulty with the relationship of the two, some readers made that additional assumption. That was fair enough.

One comment compared the dialog to a real discussion with his spouse who’d had sex with someone else. Apparently, a fundamentalist Christian man, he made this comment: “Sex isn’t everything.” Indeed. I agree.

However, while nothing is everything, sex is important. I’ve heard it referred to as a need or a drive. We humans are sex-obsessed in both good and bad ways. It can be rewarding and loving or many other things, including disastrous.

The human sexual nature is a strong, powerful, and wonderful aspect of our nature that can be troublesome on its own, with no help from religious dogma. But the general nature of our sexual disguise is culturally prudish and problematic. It’s certainly obsessive. And religion adds a phenomenal trail of embarrassment and disgust.

When it comes to sex, I usually avoid the topic altogether or I can talk open and plain about it. The latter occurs more in writing than verbal.

The topic is ubiquitous. The Atheist Community of Austin, Texas, (ACA) the organization that does the internet call-in show, The Atheist Experience, also now does a show and podcast called Secular Sexuality.

Over time, human prudishness seems to be wilting, depending on the culture. But not so with religion. In the US, religion will have its hooks in the private sexual lives (genitals) of everyone, not only members of those religions for a long time. However, over time reality and human nature seem to slowly bubble up like a lava lamp in super slow motion.

Sex is not a bad word. It is neither sinful nor dirty. While it can be socially and psychologically harmful, and all forms of human contact can communicate disease, the fact is that we think about it and do it a lot. Sexual hang-ups (anxieties) can be caused by many things, religion being numero uno. There are words for our attitude toward sex.

Erotophilia is our disposition to respond to sexual cues either positively or negatively, measured on a scale from erotophobia to erotophilia. Erotophobes are more authoritarian, need achievement, observe traditional sex roles, experience more sex guilt, and have more negative reactions to masturbation and homosexuality than erotophiles.

Erotophilics masturbate and fantasize more frequently, think about sex often, have sexual intercourse at an earlier age, have more past sexual experiences, and a greater number of intercourse partners than erotophobics. Erotophiles are more likely to breast or genital self-examine, have more regular gynecological visits, and to engage in preventative behaviors regarding sexually transmitted diseases (i.e., have healthier sex lives).

If anything, many religious sexual views are downright unhealthy, even leading to physical mutilation of children without their consent, not to mention unwanted pregnancies. I don’t know the level of mental damage that is done.

I agree with Neil, with the ACA, and with Hitch when he said,

“If anything proves that religion is not just man-made but masculine-made, it is the incessant repetition of rules and taboos governing the sexual life.” Christopher Hitchens, The Portable Atheist

And then there are all the other books on this topic: books and books and more books. It must be a big deal.

Bill

Fandango’s Provocative Question (FPQ) #29

It shouldn’t matter, but it does.

Fandango’s Provocative Question (FPQ) provided me a prompt for my blog. Thanks, man.

This is how Fandango asked the question:

Thomas Jefferson said, “It does me no injury for my neighbor to tell me there are 20 gods or no gods. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.”
The FPQ asks, “Do you agree with Thomas Jefferson that it doesn’t matter or hurt you if people believe in many gods, in one god, or no gods? Why or why not?”

My response takes Jefferson’s comment at face value, since I don’t know the exact context, much less TJ’s thoughts. But I must split a hair. Mister Jefferson spoke of his neighbor telling him gods exist or do not and that causes no harm to Jefferson, or to me. I agree. The people who want to tell me god(s) exist(s) or not cause me no physical pain or financial loss. But that is not how Fandango posed the question.

He asked if it mattered or hurt me if people believe in god or not, and why. The biggest difference in the two is that Jefferson’s comment was personal, Fandango’s question is culturally broader and public: ‘people’ instead of my neighbor; ‘belief’ instead of god. Jefferson did not address belief (although he did in other comments), but the FPQ does.

I read one post in response in which the writer said she resented people doing that (evangelicals or “dedicated atheists”). While she never said if she agreed with Jefferson, that comment implies she does not.

I showed the FPQ to my wife and her reply to it was, “It’s none of my business.” I shook her hand and said, “Welcome to the neighborhood. Have you found a church home yet? Feel free to join us at….”

Yes. What people believe does hurt me! It picks my pocket and breaks my leg. The problem is that virtually all belief in god(s) is mired in some form of religion, even for those believers who claim no religion or eschew organized religion.

Religion is given a privileged status in the USA and much of the world. Some people make fortunes with religion and cry persecution if we ask them to pay taxes. The business of religion is given use of public property and protection (police and fire) without paying for it. I pay more taxes because of that.

I’m not even sure where to begin with physical harm. Maybe I should turn on the news to see what religious group has blown up another today. All Abrahamic scripture says that I should be killed because I do not believe in any god(s). Death threats are not rare over religion, nor is homicide.

What people believe matters to me, and it should to you. “Religion poisons everything.” Freedom of and from religion may be good things, but the greater emphasis should be on the from.

Bill

Why Do You Believe?

A lady who phoned the internet show, The Atheist Experience, said, “I cannot imagine how anyone could be an atheist.” Despite a long and patient discussion with the show’s co-hosts, she never really changed her view, outlook, or conclusion of what it means for someone to identify as atheist. She saw atheism as the rejection of an existing god, of her own personal spirituality, and the exact opposite of what she believed. She saw it as the flip side of the same belief coin that she applied to herself. When the hosts would try to explain her error, she would interrupt with defensive or attacking arguments. It’s entertainment.

Watching the show is a good lesson about human nature and communication. It is educational. However, for many believers, the puzzling question is indeed how anyone could not believe.

When callers identify as believers, they are usually invited to explain why they believe in a god, have some specific metaphysical world view, or follow a certain religious tradition or dogma. This is usually when there are silent pauses on the part of the caller. That’s understandable.

In day-to-day life, believers are seldom challenged to explain or show how they arrived at some theistic view, so they are ill-prepared to logically present salient facts regarding their belief (often a certainty to them) and how or when they came to such a conclusion as there must be a god. The internet is replete with arguments defending belief or faith. Those I have read are fallacious illogical tripe that eventually falls to pieces before melting into a just because it’s true and I have faith defensive stand. Or worse, because the bible says so.

I like to hear people explain why they believe in a god, a higher power, an invisible force or energy, or whatever it is that causes them to conclude that the high and mighty one exists. It reinforces my own conclusions. However, I do find most honest explanations refreshing for two reasons. One is that, while I’m comfortable with what I think, honesty and sincerity feel good. The other reason is that I get to listen to someone talk through what they believe. So, here are some of my favorite reasons why people do believe in god.

I don’t know why. I just do.
Ninety-five percent of all people believe, so I must be right.
God personally spoke to me or showed himself.
Things exist (universe, people, magic). The only possible explanation is a god.
I define god however I like, and that is what I believe in.
I prayed for something and it came to be, thus proving to me that there is a god (what else?)
It is beneficial within our society for me to say I believe and to act that way because it brings social privilege, economic gain, and personal protection.
It is what I was taught as a child. I have always been a believer.
Everyone will hate me if I do not say that I believe in god. I would be rejected and ostracized, as I have done to others. (That could also be a closeted atheist.)
I don’t want to spend eternity in Hell and I’m afraid of dying and other things.
It is just obvious that god exists. What else could it be?
I’m hedging my bets. If there is a god, I win. If not, I’ve lost nothing.

I think most people who believe in supreme beings and spirits make their claim for cultural reasons. Those reasons are based upon social and educational factors (indoctrination), not on intuition or logical analytical thinking. Therefore, many fundamentalist religious groups want to teach intelligent design as science and religion in public schools. Apparently, they agree with me about the indoctrination part. May I suggest additional required courses in argumentation and basic logic?

Bill

It’s Not Me

I used to say, if there is a god, it’s not me. I now joke about my mid-life crisis being long ago. That time has passed. There was no crisis. What do those two things have in common? Timing. In my forties and early fifties, I needed to change my behavior. During that process, my other mantra was do no harm. I was sure that I often did. I needed to stop.

I was caught up with being a poster-model for the middle aged, American adult male; the father, husband, friend, boss, or whatever people wanted me to be. It seemed right, until it wasn’t. I thought I was normal.

My focus was on my family, my job, and my role vis-à-vis what others wanted me to be. I was a responsible breadwinner and patriarch. I was also seriously dysfunctional because I was not true to myself and may have behaved god-like. So, if there was a crisis during my midlife years, it was with my world view and something of an existential WTF?

I can’t honestly go with crisis here because I thought I was fine. I got through it, and things worked out. That’s how it usually goes, but disasters happen more today.

For the record, this was serious shit. At one point, I recall having suicidal thoughts. I was unconcerned with what any god would think about that, but I placed a high value on what everyone else thought. Luckily, I managed. They were just my thoughts reflecting frustration and an internal transition. Good things, as it turned out.

My past adult years remind me that I’ve always been of two minds—sometimes dissonantly conflicted. I would not have recognized or admitted it to anyone except that Christopher Hitchens made the same confession. I am not like Hitch, but when I read in his last book that he was of two minds, I thought: Good god man. At least two! It was not so much the road less traveled for me as it was that they both made sense, and I was split going both ways. It didn’t work very well.

I couldn’t have untangled things by trying. During that time of my life I began to look deeply to religion from what I still consider my rational point of view. I became interested in what many call eastern religions (really philosophies) and ways of thinking (Zen, meditation, centering prayer, introspection, and the spiritual self) to deal with life and all the challenges I faced. I read books about such things and tried every suggestion I could manage. I still think it all helped me in some way.

This eventually led me back to my Roman Catholic religious roots and 12 years of immersed participation. I regret nothing of those years. I am thankful for all I learned and the opportunities I had. I gave it my best effort, and I held nothing back.

I knew before I left what would happen. It was a graceful exit in that I kept my commitments and moved to another state due to a job change.

I will always be angry about the obvious sexual and cover-up scandal in the Church. I think every Catholic person should feel shame and remorse. Every person of every religion, or of none, should feel anger because of it. But the perv priests and the complicit, lying bishops had nothing to do with me. I did not leave religion because it had failed or that men behaved criminally.

Following the move to another state and my new job, I became religiously inactive. I had time to ponder, read, and to ask myself questions. I was sure that I did not believe in any god and probably never had. I was more certain that all religions had been created by people. I began to realize that I had wanted to be like my ancestors and people I knew. Even my practicing a religion was me trying to be what I thought others (dead or alive) wanted me to be. I am grateful that what I did eventually led to my clear headed giving up.

There was still no existential crisis. I was finding comfort dealing with what I saw as reality and defending it with my own truth in discussions, much to the vexation of some others. I was aware that I was moving toward embracing atheism, but I would not have stated it like that. I would still say, if there is a god, it’s not me. I was still working on me; on my tolerance and patience; on my understanding and knowledge.

Today, I try not to take myself too seriously or to cause problems with the things I say or do, but there are those moments when I feel that I may be giving others a vote concerning me being myself. That was the root problem in the first place. I’m sensitive to letting anyone mold me at this age.

On the other hand, I don’t want to be a jerk. It’s not me, but it happens.

Bill

Keep those people away from me

Have you noticed that the god squad is everywhere? It seems like the secular hospital is a thing of the past. I don’t like it. Whatever happened to good old General Hospital?

My personal wish: keep those people away from me. The god squad I don’t want.

I had filled out all the forms before checking in for surgery. I was waiting for the ignorant service crew at my GM dealership to tell me they did not know how to fix my car.

I answered my cell phone ring and the lady from the hospital said I had checked none on the religious preference list and she wanted to be sure that was correct.

“What is it about the word none that you don’t understand?”

“Excuse me?” Says she.

“I want you to keep those people away from me.” Says me.

“Excuse me, Sir?” She seemed confused.

“I want a sign on my door that reads: Atheist within: may be contagious with reality, reason, common sense, and armed with anti-woo-woo.”

“Mr. Reynolds, that is not going to happen.”

I said, “Then I suggest you try to understand that there are at least 100 good reasons for you people to call me. This is not one of them. I am atheist, but that option is not on your list. For now, none will be fine. Thanks for calling.”

“I’m sorry to have bothered you.”

“I bet you are. Goodbye.”

Have a wonderful day,

Bill

A to Z Challenge: A Xenophobic Xenoglossia Xmas dear Xian (X)

Xenoglossia or Xenoglossy – is the alleged ability to speak or write in a language entirely unknown to the person. I have been accused of this due to my spelling and typing shortcomings. Auto-correct added to the confusion. Again, woo-woo nonsense reported in automatic writing, past life regression, and in dealings with spirit mediums. It’s fraudulent gibberish.

Xenophobia – is hatred or fear of persons of a different nationality or ethnicity than one’s own. Theophobia is dread of the wrath of a god or a phobia of which a god is the object. Atheophobia is hatred or fear of atheists, sometimes called atheistophobia, anti-atheist discrimination, or anti-atheist sentiment. Anti-theism is direct opposition to belief in the existence of any gods. Antireligion is opposition to religion of any kind, to organized religion, religious practices or religious institutions. This term has also been used to describe opposition to specific forms of supernatural worship or practice, organized or not.

Xylolaters (not xylolites) – are literally wood worshipers. A disrespectful term used to refer to Eastern Orthodox believers who revered images and icons.

Xmas – is a legitimate alternative way of writing Christmas. Some may feel it’s insulting. It’s not. This form is nearly as old as Christianity. Its origins lie in the fact that the first letter in the Greek word for Christ is chi and the Greek letter is represented by a symbol like X. Xian may also be used for the word Christian.

A to Z Challenge: Vampire Victims Vital to Vastu (V)

Vampires – bite people on the neck, thus making more vamps, drink human blood, cannot endure sunlight, and seem to be distant relatives to zombies. Let’s not forget the effect of a crucifix, or a stake in the heart. These fictitious beings used to be evil and ugly, but Hollywood has worked hard to make them cute and cleaver and all cuddly like, except when the vampire hunter is the protagonist in the fictional story. Fun stuff, but not real.

Vastu – is India’s version of feng shui. It may also be known as vedic architecture, sthapatya ved, vastu vidya, and vastu shastra. The goal is architecture in harmony with nature (sounds good to me). However, apparently, that can only be done with astrology and numerology. If your house is not aligned, you ostensibly get sick. Sure, poor workspace design can cause stress. But your west facing front door? Nah.

Last year a real estate agent explained to me that people with these beliefs do not want to buy homes with kitchens on the southwest side (as mine was). It could lead to divorce or a bunch of maladies. It’s woo-woo but not the exclusive superstation of people of India.

In a similar way, a German cemetery in New Braunfels, TX has the oldest graves canted about fifteen degrees to the right of the property line (newer gravesites don’t do this). This was done so that when Jesus comes again from the east, the graves will be properly aligned directly perpendicular to due east, for resurrection purposes. They wouldn’t want to be missed. This factual explanation is posted with the history of the cemetery at the visitor’s station.

Victim souls – are people who suffer pain or sickness for other people. The logic is a clear reference to Jesus as a scapegoat. But people believe this of other people, and it is supposed to be a good thing, in a martyr-ish kind of way. More popular in the 18^th and 19^th centuries than today. Audrey Santo (Little Audrey) was a victim soul.

Vitalism – is the metaphysical doctrine of a nonphysical inner force of energy. It goes by chi, qi, rana, ki, orgone energy, and animal magnetism (vital force). Many kinds of alternative health practices (or energy medicine) are based on a belief that health is due to this alleged energy. It focuses on good juju – not science.

A to Z Challenge: Tarot True Theist Telepaths Talisman (T)

Talismans – are objects held or worn to act as a charm to avert evil and bring good fortunes. Simply put, they’re lucky charms. Requires belief otherwise it is jewelry. I have worn Saint Christopher, Miraculous (Mary) medals, crucifixes, and scapula in my life. They were talismans. What I might wear today is jewelry.

Tantra – is a type of Hindu or Buddhist scripture, or the rituals and practices described therein. They deal with meditation and sexual techniques. More fun.

Tarot Cards – are used in fortune telling. Fun, but woo-woo.

Telepathy – is mind reading, as in mental. Read anyone’s thoughts with ESP?

Teleportation – Beam me up Scotty (he never said that). Don’t we wish? Someday, maybe.

Theists (theism) – are persons who deny that gods do not exist. I say there are no gods. Most agree with me in every case except one. Close, right?

True-believer Syndrome – is a wow. It’s very real. Many continue to believe in the reality of the paranormal despite overwhelming evidence of fraud. People still follow psychics, religious charlatans, phony channelers, faith healers, taro card readers, and other phony mediums despite proof they are fake. (Political figures?) No amount of logic or evidence can shatter their faith, which is why such fakes are as abundant as ever.

A to Z Challenge: Suspended Superstition as Satan and Sasquatch Shoehorn Saints (S)

Suspended disbelief – is the willing suspension of disbelief by dropping one’s critical faculties and believe something surreal. We sacrifice realism and logic for the sake of enjoyment. Suspended is temporary and not permanently expelled. We do this for fun regarding fiction or to play with things, but it is not the same as believing.

Superstition – is what all religion is. It results from ignorance, fear, trust in magic, or false conceptions of cause. It is an irrational abject attitude toward things supernatural, nature, or a god. The RC Church warns against superstitions, such as burying a statue of a saint upside down in your yard to help sell your home. Yet, it is essential for them to believe that the Eucharistic wafer is a physical god. Since Protestants do not share that, they perform the superstition less often in most cases and with far less flair and drama.

Saints – are dead people whose souls are determined to be in heaven. It is also a colloquialism for a nice living person. When people pray to saints, they are requesting the saint put in a good word with a god. This is known as intercessory prayer. It’s mostly a Catholic thing, even with Mary. Prayers to saints are not prayers of worship like to a god. Saints are like influential uncles, only in heaven and part of the inner circle.

Shoehorning – is the term for forcing some current event into one’s religious agenda. Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell said god caused or allowed the 9-11 attacks because of “liberal civil liberties, feminists, homosexuals, and abortion rights.” These two loonies openly claimed a god killed thousands of innocents because he or she did not like how Americans behaved. Anyone who believes and follows (one is dead) this kind of asinine thinking is an asshole who does a lot for the rise of atheism in America. Thank you. There are no gods and frankly, I am pleased with that.

Spiritualism – is the belief that the human personality lives after death and can be communicated with by special people called sensitive mediums. Frauds have been exposed repeatedly, but people still believe this shit because quacks are good. TV shows or not, this crapola ain’t real.

Sasquatch – is big foot. He ain’t real either, but I did see him in a coffee shop once.

Satan – is the perfect scapegoat. Not real either. I don’t believe this form of evil exists. What stirs in the hearts of men and women is another issue. Created not by some nonexistent god, but by a real man and apparently well understood by many men and women, particularly self-proclaimed people of god.

A to Z Challenge: Quacks Quantum Quest (Q)

Quantum Entanglement – is when pairs or groups of particles are generated, interact in ways where the quantum state of each particle cannot be described independently of the state of the other(s), even when separated by a large universe-size distance. It’s weird. Einstein questioned it. It’s hard to understand (or care) but is included here because of its current spin with metaphysics. I also recently became aware of the QE relationship with the term synchronicity. If Einstein was skeptical, but this is real, then what? Things are just as they are, understood, true, or not. The youtube videos are better than I at explaining this. To save space I’ve provided links here and here.

Quackery and quacks – are currently referred to as alternative health practices (very profitable) in the medical fields. When people want this, if no harm is done, I don’t object until I do see harm. But a spade is a spade. It is quackery. It is also legal. It can be harmful and is usually wasteful (like religion).

In general, quacks are people making showy pretenses of knowledge or abilities. They are charlatans willing to do and say virtually anything to remain in the spotlight. And it works. But they’re still quack-a-roos.

Religious quacks are often on radio and television to take money from foolish and ignorant listeners, thus channeling money away from real churches, legitimate charities, and followers who need it. There have been, are, and will continue to be thousands of these religious quacks. Many today are new age, but most work main-line protestant/Christian/Zen/some form of whatever.

Q (Star Trek) – was the closest thing to a god on the show, but never identified as such. He was an extra-dimensional being of unknown origin who possessed immeasurable power over normal human notions of time, space, the laws of physics, and reality itself. Despite his vast knowledge and experience spanning untold eons, he enjoyed practical jokes for his own personal amusement. He was said to be nigh-omnipotent and was evasive regarding his motivations. He sounds damn godish to me. I was a bit of a treky, but Q could be such a dick.