To those whose baptisms are no longer valid and to those whose still are (like me):
I know. Who cares? Not the pin-head decision-makers. It’s the fixers who flip out. And rightfully so. They must look into the tearful eyes and sad faces of their faithful and lie because of some Schmutz’s in Rome said “it must be I.”
Here is a quick factsheet on most baptisms and what the Royal Catholic pains in the ass see as three levels of Baptismal judgment.
First is a list of ones they are okey dokey with. (Not a word about I, we, thee, or they.) The second group is a mercifully short list of we got no clues. (Maybe you go to heaven, maybe not.) Third list is of what we consider too fake to count.
If you got baptized in LDS, you need a redo to have a counter as a papist. That third group of no deals includes several religions and denoms who do not baptize at all. I’m Irish, but even I can see why those that don’t baptize ones might be “invalid,” since they don’t freaking baptize in the first place (oh lawdy, what next?).
Anyhow, as a once fully corrupted Roman Catholic (RC) [by some opines], a several times fallen away RC, and now a bona fide and fully convinced atheist (who claims to no longer give damn about such damnation tarnation), I must say that if you feel shocked and dismayed about the RC church bureaucrats tripping over their whacked off foreskins, no matter what you believe, you suffer from diagnosable naivety. This is what they do best. In this case, the office was created for just such purposes. In trying to look ecclesiastically smart (bless their hearts), they succeeded in making the entire RC church and all 1.3 billion members look like as many blind mice. Give them grief. They deserve it!
While the linked list does not appear to include either acceptance or rejection of atheist or agnostic baptisms, it does reject the Bohemian Free Thinkers. What? I did not know of such a group. All the Czechs I knew were RCs or Orthodox. Funny though. They (BFTs) tell ya what to think anyway.
The RC faithful and the semi-not-so-faithful are accustomed to this kind of dribble. It may seem scandalous, but it’s funny, if not silly. Do the bogusly baptized now run down to Father Peterbutt at Saint Flower of the Fold RC church for a redo? Do they sit tight? And what about the dead ones? Oh, I forgot; the Mormons can baptize them. Thank you, BYU. Even Mormon heaven beats the hell out of hades, right?
At the Pearly Gates, good old Saint Peter face palms and says, “Look Lady, I am so sorry. But the dumb shit who did your baptism said We instead of I. We, I mean I, have no record of a redo on you. I checked with JC and He’s adamant that He will not share the glory of your salvation with his Father, the closeted family Ghost, nor with any of the people who thought they were attending a bone fide, blessed event (no refunds, either).”
Perplexed, Peter whispers, “You have been metaphorically screwed by Christ. You need to go stand in line over there with all the atheists, Jews, and Muslims. Here is your ticket to Hell. They still think this is one big party. May someone have mercy on all their embarrassingly happy souls.”
To all you 1.3 billion RCs out there ignoring the rampage of insanity to which you give (much less than 10% of) your hard-earned money every week, you can fix this shit. God does not need your money. The Parish, Diocese, and bumbling snotty bureaucrats in Rome do. In fact, your local poor and homeless need it much more. Must I explain? Good people have been fired and politicians voted out for far less.
Bill
Dispassionate Doubt 
I love reading these because during most of it I am nodding my head yes.
When I met Mick I was not yet divorced. Bad Catholic that I am, I refused to get an annulment. (What is it other than yet another way to get money into their coffers?) Mick, good Catholic boy, former alter boy, who got to know a priest more intimately than any boy should still wanted to be married in a church. Well shit. So we went United. They are the least demanding for all the bullshit.
I might have mentioned that our kids were all baptized and, other than the middle sister, we stopped there. As to why we even did the first sacrament? Mostly for my mother, I think. I had no idea there was an “I” instead of a “We”. Insert eye roll 🙄 here…
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Thanks, Dale.
Oh, the stories (I’m sure) We could tell.
My mom having to get both a legal divorce and an RC annulment to marry my father 7 months before my birth; & 10+ years after her hubby #1 abandoned her and my half-sis.
My friend’s dad, father of 9, getting an annulment (???) so he could marry his secretary and remain an RC in good standing, and be active in my Parish. LOL
I am not bitter about my former religion, but I love knowing so much and writing about the craziness.
I could do this all day, but happy Monday. 🙂
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Oh, I am sure we can tell quite a few of them.
The hypocrisy of the church knows no bounds. They can forgive a priest for doing unspeakable things to boys (and girls) yet they cannot forgive two adults for not staying married? Puh-leeze. What a joke. Like René Angélil getting an annulment to marry Céline Dion… he with children older than his new bride… No effing comment.
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The human condition is such a fun topic.—when it is not damn scary.
This whole group of subjects (religion, atheism, church, ministers, etc.) is what my memoir is all about, if and when I can get my lazy and easily distracted ass back to working on it.
Supposed to be 83F here today. I may melt. 🙂
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That is true. And true!
It will be a fascinating read when you get said lazy and distracted ass back to work.
Cry me a River. We are at 36, but it feels like 28. And that’s Fahrenheit, not Celsius.
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Gunna walk after I slather on some sun screen. It is still February, right?
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Shut up
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Yes, Ma’am. 😎
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As I lug on my boots to go out into the slush… knowing that todays “warmth” will be but a fond memory once Thursday returns to freeze my heinie temps!
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I’m back. Heading to FB to post a pic. 🙂
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Sweet!
Trying to write a sweet ‘n salty 44 words
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ah, a still from one of my favorite movies. sometimes, Bill, your writing reminds me so much of Twain, with the perfect word chosen to express utter aggravation with the human race.
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Oh, thank you so much. I love to laugh and Oh, Brother…” did that in spades. Big Twain fan too, since childhood. 🙂 (not that I can remember back that far.)
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“Turned him into a horny toad!”
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🙂
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